With the reality of the end of your marriage, comes the realization that it is time to hire a divorce attorney and the best way to find one is to ask for referrals from people you respect. However, it’s not that simple.
Before I expand on that let me say that I recommend not waiting until divorce is a certainty. Getting an initial consultation as soon as you start to consider divorce or think that your spouse may be thinking of divorce is very beneficial. It’ll help prepare you, and you’ll gain an understanding of your rights and obligations. That may ease your fears and reduce your anxiety. Remember, seeking a consultation doesn’t mean you’re going ahead with divorce. It’s simply part of your research.
I recommend that you interview at least three attorneys to find one that you feel comfortable working with. Some lawyers will charge for the initial consult, others won’t. Whoever you end up deciding to go with will likely want a retainer up front, and some may try to pressure you to pay this at the end of the initial consult. Don’t do this … finish your interviews and then decide who you want to work with.
Go to the initial consult with a list of questions about your biggest concerns, such as funding for college, a chronic health issue, spousal support or the impact of being a stay-at-home parent on your retirement. If you or your spouse have assets from pre-marriage or either of you have received an inheritance, getting clarification over the classification of marital assets would be helpful.
I would also get clarification about how legal fees can be paid such as from joint assets. If you don’t have access to your joint funds or don’t have safe access to joint funds then discuss available alternatives, such as paying by credit card, family loans, or available pro bono services. Getting legal advice is extremely important and even more so in situations where your spouse is blocking your access to money.
If you and your spouse are able to still communicate, then it is helpful to have a conversation about the legal process itself and see if either of you have a preference. There are three basic processes - traditional, collaborative and mediation. In a traditional approach, you both hire attorneys and information flows between the two camps but the only time you may have a four-way meeting is in a mediation hearing which in some states is mandatory before proceeding to trial.
With collaborative, you both hire attorneys but you go in committing to find an agreement. During the process there are four-ways meetings and open information sharing. The open information sharing means that if you are unable to come to an agreement, then you have to start over with new attorneys. Not all attorneys will work collaboratively so the legal process you think you will use would affect who you choose.
With mediation, you both work with a mediator to come to an agreement and you may or may not have additional legal representation.
No legal process is inherently less expensive than the other. On the surface, mediation may seem less expensive if you don’t use lawyers as well but it’s important to look at the big picture. You might be saving on legal fees but are you settling for much less than your legal rights or are you giving up more than your obligations? There are other ways to save on your legal expenses.
Most of us aren’t in a position to evaluate a particular attorney’s legal expertise: this is why you ask for referrals. What we can evaluate is how the attorney makes us feel, how closely their divorce philosophy is aligned with ours and their willingness to educate us.
One final word … once you’ve found your attorney, don’t rush into filing. Evaluate your situation and make a conscious decision about the most optimal timing.